Sunday, October 18, 2009

Happy Blog Birthday!


It was exactly a year ago today that I entered into the self-absorbing world of blog. I never thought I would have anything to say, and every week I pretty much feel the same way. Still waiting for the big WOW that will make everyone on the planet want to tune in and read my every thought, hanging on every word, laughing at every line. But after reading some of those blogs in which the world does tune in every day, I'm grateful my life is pretty boring and that the world doesn't know who I am because:
A) I haven't had a near-death experience
B) I haven't murdered my family
C) I haven't been on Oprah

And I'm OK with that. I'm happy with my simple don't-give-me-more-than-I-can-handle-even-if-it-will-give-me-something-interesting-to-blog-about life. My challenge will be to come up with another year's worth of material that will give my loyal 10 readers something worth reading about. And it's already started, I'm stumped. I got nothing. You might have had your suspicions a few blogs ago. It takes a pretty desperate blogger to write about one's oven woes and throw-up, I mean how desperate is that? So, I've come to the conclusion, that if I can't find anything exciting in my life to blog about, I'm going to start blogging about your lives. You know, the ones where I laugh and say, "That's so funny! You should blog about that...oh yeah, wait. You don't have a blog!" Consider me your ghost-blogger. And just so you know, names will be changed to protect the innocent, or the foolish, or the really embarrassed.
I think I'll start out with a story about my sister, we'll call her Windy (remember, not her real name). Windy had a church meeting she needed to get ready for. Normally, she would have taken off her pants and slipped on her skirt, however, on this day she was wearing her long-john G's to keep her warm, so she stripped off her underwear along with her pants. She put on skirt appropriate underwear, finished getting ready, and went to her meeting like a good little church-meeting-going mom should do. When she got home from her meeting, she realized if she hurried she would be able to run to Sam's Club before they closed (no, she wasn't breaking a commandment, it was a week-night meeting). So she quickly threw off the skirt, jumped back into her pants, and ran out the door. The long walk from the parking lot to the front door caused her to reflect on some strange sensations she was having in one of her pant legs. For some reason it felt a little thicker than the other, a little tighter perhaps. She did not have a toddler tugging at her leg, so that wasn't the cause. But she didn't have too much time to dwell on it before she was greeted at the door by a good-looking young man standing as sentinal and gaurd. After she smiled and flashed him (her card), she grabbed her cart and went on her way. A few steps later, she noticed the strange sensation in her pant leg was gone. Something else was missing too, she just couldn't quite place it, and in trying to understand what had just happened, and why she now felt a draft going up her leg, she turned her head back, looking for some tangible proof that she wasn't losing her mind. Well, she did find something. There, at the door, next to the good-looking door greeter, she noticed something white. Upon closer inspection, she realized the white blob on the floor that she, and everyone else now walking in saw, was her long underwear! She snatched them up and shoved them in her purse so quickly, that even the best shop-lifter would have been impressed. This time she didn't smile at the chuckling good-looking door greeter as she grabbed hold of her cart and made a bee-line for the freezer section, where she could stick her hot-flushed face in the cooler and melt the ice-cream with a single touch to her cheek. Of course it took awhile after the initial shock of "What? How did that get there?" to realize that when she took off her pants and underwear the first time, they must have stayed intact. When she put them on later that night, they must have shifted into one leg, and worked their way down the leg of her pant, until just the right moment. Not in the privacy of her garage, or in her car, or even in the parking lot...Oh no! It wasn't until she had an audience that her underwear made it's debut. She was just grateful the good-looking door greeter didn't try to get her for shoplifting, now that would have been embarrassing to explain!

And just in case your wondering if this story is true...it is. All except the part about the ' Young Good Looking Door Greeter'. I knew you wouldn't fall for that one. (This is Sam's Club we're talking about) He was old and probably half blind, therefore he didn't even see what landed in front of his feet. (at least that's what we tell Windy, anything to make her feel better)

Thanks for all my readers out there! By the way, anyone can leave a comment...anyone out there...anyone at all....hello?

7 comments:

Faund Images said...

OK... WINDY, that is hysterical! Thanks for sharing that one, Linda! Made me laugh once again. You're blogs make my day.
Signed: One of your ten readers.
:o)

Susan said...

Happy Blog Birthday! It has been a wonderful year reading your thoughts and seeing your creativity. I'm still waiting for the story of the used, um, well, you know the one!

Cindy said...

Does changing the name help if there is a picture right on the blog? That was very funny and you have a gift for retelling stories...

ronalee said...

This just shows me I will never tell you an embarassing story. You do tell a great story.
Ronalee

Anthony Simister said...

Wow, I hope that I am one of your loyal 10 readers. I never know what to blog about either, but you are an amazing writer! Keep blogging. Hey it's free entertainment for me! :)

Mindy said...

Linda-- Happy belated birthday! I love your blogs-- wish I could be so dedicated and motivated to keep mine up to date. I miss you! We need to get together again soon!

Mom said...

I have to get the tears out of my eyes from laughing so hard before I can see to comment. When I read Wendys e-mail I thought oh good we have more entertainment on Linda's blog. That was great. I don't think I've heard that one.