It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

It's my birthday today. Yipee. Another year older. Another wrinkle on my face, another roll around my middle, another gray hair or two (hundred).


Growing old isn't all it's cracked up to be. All that stuff about being mature and wise must happen when you're old enough to retire, and have the time to sit on a porch swing and reflect back on your life and philosophize and be all wise and knowing, cuz it ain't happened to me yet.


Maybe it's because I don't feel my age. The calendar says I'm 48 today, mentally I'm stuck in my early twenties. If you ask my husband as he catches me dancing on the kitchen floor to Michael Buble, he would say I'm stuck at 16, and just learning to drive. Recent conversation between Tary and Trey at the high school driving range:


Tary: Be careful as you back up, those cones could be children.
Trey: Mom should be here, she needs this more than me.
Tary: I agree. Don't drive like your mom.


In my defense, I was trying so hard not to hit Tary's truck, I didn't see the side of the garage. Nor did I hear the crunching sound of metal. Again, in my defense, I had Michael's CD cranked up and he was singing 'You're my Everything' and I was thinking of my sweet handsome husband and was further distracted. So really, if anyone is to blame, it would be Tary for having such a big truck and a handsome face that I think about as I'm listening to Michael.


It's strange to see my kids as grown ups. I know that's what they do, but I stopped aging mentally, and now we're the same age, mentally. Weird.
In my early twenties, I remember getting down on the floor and playing the Memory game with Chelsea and Kayla. Now at 48, I get down on the floor and play the Memory game with Paisley and McKenna. Only now I have no memory, I get beat by a 3-year old, and I can hardly get back up when the game is over.


In my early years, I used to love going to Lagoon for my birthday! I remember Melinda Passey and I trying to break the Guiness World Record for the most consecutive times going on the white roller coaster. Although we had no idea what the record was, we were sure we broke it after the 28th time. Now I can't think about the white roller coaster without having my bones creak. It has become a torture chamber, devised to rattle and break my bones, give me whiplash, and shake my brain to mush. Now I know why my mom was content to take my little girls on the kiddie rides while I rode the big rides. As much as I would love to try and break my old record, my old body just can't take it anymore.


I remember when I was much younger, if I wanted to lose weight, all I had to do was skip a meal. By morning I would be two pounds lighter and have a flat stomach again. Now I have to exercise an hour a day just to maintain my weight. Trying to lose a pound or two has required going off sugar (it's been 3 weeks now!) hiring a personal trainer to kick my butt, and eating healthy stuff like non-fat, plain Greek yogurt that taste's like I'm eating sour cream. Why that's supposed to be good for you and sour cream is bad, I haven't figured out yet, but I've been told if I add enough berries to it, it will taste just as good as ice-cream. yeah right.


Getting older does have it's advantages; I'll be ready to retire in 15 more years. I'll quality for senior discounts at the movies in 12 more years, and will be the proud card carrier for AARP in 2 more years. I'll be an empty nester two years from now too as Trey will be leaving on a mission.


I can't stand to think about it. Every time I do, well, you know what happens. Hey, it's my party and I'll cry if I want to.